If you are currently in the middle of a divorce, it is perfectly normal to experience some strange feelings. Even if you are the partner who made the decision to end it, it is common to feel some degree of loneliness or to feel like your friends and family do not understand what you are going through. Don't worry, these feelings are perfectly valid. After all, divorce is a huge decision, one that is going to have a huge effect on your life.
No matter how difficult it may seem right now, understand that the situation will get better overtime.
Part of the process, for both parties, may be looking back on the relationship and understanding what went wrong and by understanding these common reasons for divorce, you may be able to make sense of what has happened, giving you some clarity and allowing you to move forward and grow.
If you are not currently going through divorce, but you feel like you and your spouse are having difficulties, knowing the most common reasons people get divorced may allow you to take steps to heal the relationship.
With that, let’s take a look at the 11 common reasons for divorce.
If you ask experts, divorce attorneys, and therapists up and down the country what the main reason for divorce is, you will get a different answer each time. Many studies will tell you that breakdown in communication or substance abuse are the top causes, and this may be true, but in our experience as a family law firm, money is often the primary reason.
Money disagreements are extremely common between spouses and have a unique ability to make people act in a manner that is uncharacteristic of them. Strangely enough, the amount of money a couple earns collectively may not even be the main culprit here, as many high-net-worth couples still argue often about money.
One way that money can cause arguments is when one party is particularly reckless with their spending habits. Spouses that run up large credit card debts or finance cars and goods without thought of the monthly repayments, especially without the knowledge of their spouse, can lead to explosive arguments when they find out.
Often in these relationships, one spouse will be more sensible in terms of saving money, paying bills and ensuring there is enough money in the bank at the end of the month. This may lead to arguments with the other spouse, accusing them of being "tight" with their money or "boring", whereas the other spouse will lay down accusations of being "stupid" or "reckless" with joint income. One spouse may want to drive the newest car, buy the newest phone or new clothes every month.
Another common cause of arguments in a relationship occurs when one party earns considerably more than the other. This is often worse for men, as there is a social stereotype that the men should be the bigger earners. This can leave the man feeling demasculinized, leading to resentment.
This isn't just for men either; sometimes, often women may sacrifice their earning potential to look after children and the family home, meaning they earn less or no income. In these cases, the other spouse should be considerate of the sacrifice, but in many cases, the main earning spouse will use the fact they are the main earner to give them control.
When couples are stressed about money, or a lack of it, it often leads to a break down in communication. Sleepless nights and anxiety can lead to high-strung tempers, with both parties snapping at the slightest reason.
Money issues can be extremely tough on a relationship, but the best way to deal with the issue is together. Sitting down and discussing goals for the future and for saving and creating a budget that both parties are happy with and stick to can create a framework to rely upon. This should stop any misunderstanding when things get tough.
It is almost impossible to avoid all money problems in the length of a marriage, but ensuring communication does not break down and approaching the issue as a team should give you the best chances of making it through the issues intact.
After years of being married, the relationship often evolves into a connection that is much deeper and spiritual, compared to the often physical and intense relationship it was at the start. This is a normal progression and happens to many couples. As this relationship evolves, it often means that physical intimacy reduces and the frequency of sexual contact reduces with it.
In fact, according to studies, around 15-20% of relationships in America are sexless and around 20% of couples only have sex a few times per year.
While this is perfectly normal for many couples, it does not mean that there should be no intimacy whatsoever, even if the physical, sexual side of being intimate is less regular.
Being intimate with your spouse does not just mean sex. Showing your affection for the partner you love can be done in a number of ways, such as kisses on the cheek, hugs, massages and holding hands. For some partners there does not even need to be a physical aspect; you could show your care by saying "I love you" or messaging them during the day while you are at work to show you are thinking about them.
Intimacy is the act of paying attention to your spouse. Many spouses in an unhappy marriage just want their spouse to ask about their day or what they are thinking. Marriage is a partnership, and having someone to talk to about daily problems is often essential to a person's mental health.
If you used to do all of these things and you have stopped, the other spouse may feel rejected or that they have done something wrong, or are not wanted. This feeling can grow, becoming unhealthy and creating strong feelings of being unappreciated or unloved.
The first steps to fixing this begin with being compassionate and working to make your partner feel appreciated. Many spouses will be shocked at how much easier the relationship becomes if they put a little bit more effort into it.
If you are still struggling, seeking professional help from a marriage counselor should be the next step.
An extramarital affair can rock a relationship to its court and is often the grounds for a divorce decision. Many couples however, have been through infidelity issues and come out the other side stronger.
Infidelity destroys the trust in the relationship and fundamentally changes a marriage. Often the reason for infidelity is that there are problems in the marriage already and when a seemingly innocent friendship blossoms outside the marriage, it can seem exciting and new and can lead to serious misjudgment.
Sometimes a spouse may cheat because of anger and resentment that has developed towards their partner. If a spouse feels unloved and mistreated at home, they may seek intimacy in somebody else.
Other common causes for extramarital affairs are a lack of sexual contact at home, drug or alcohol influence or a lack of self-esteem.
Domestic abuse is another common cause of divorce.
Most people think of domestic abuse as simply physical abuse but emotional, and financial abuse are also forms of domestic abuse. Neglecting your partner's needs, constant displays of anger, or controlling your partner are other forms of abuse and can be just as damaging as physical abuse.
Domestic abuse does not just have to be from one partner to another. Being abusive to children, family members, or even pets in the same household can be just as damaging and concerning.
In some cases, domestic abuse occurs during a rough patch in the marriage, and in these cases, it may be totally out of character for the spouse committing the abuse. In these situations, marriage counseling and therapy can often repair the marriage and help the guilty spouse to see the error of their ways and deal with their problems.
Sometimes domestic abuse occurs because an individual is going through emotional issues themselves or external issues such as substance abuse or a death. In these cases, it may get better if the spouse admits they have problems and seeks help.
However, in some cases, it will not get better, and removing yourself from the relationship is the best course of action, especially if you have children involved. Getting them to a place of safety is the number one priority.
Staying in an abusive relationship where things are not getting better is not only damaging to your mental health, it can be immediately dangerous, especially if you feel threatened or have been at the receiving end of physical abuse.
If you’re not sure what to do or where to turn, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 or visit their website.
Deciding to get married is an exciting decision made by two partners who feel compatible and who wish to spend the rest of their lives together. This is often the result of a relationship that has been filled with love and compassion, to begin with.
When things are going right, you may overlook your spouses' problems or problems in the relationship as your love was strong enough to allow you to do so. You may have thought that you could work on your spouses' behavior after the vows have been said. After all, you have a lifetime together to do so.
Unfortunately, even marriages that start off on a perfect footing can change over time.
As both of you grow up, your view on life may change, your ability to overlook their flaws and problems may start to fade, and you may start to see your partner in a different light.
This often occurs when you become parents, and your partners' negative emotions or habits begin to affect not only you but also your children.
Everybody grows and changes over time, and in many cases, this change is healthy. In a relationship, one partner often changes for the better, while the other refuses to work on themselves, and this can drive a wedge between you and the future you see for yourself.
A lack of compatibility is one of the leading causes of divorce. In fact, the claim of "insupportability", which is when you and your partner can no longer come to decisions together and cannot live in harmony, is one of the legal reasons for divorce.
In a healthy relationship, both partners are willing to change and work on themselves for the better of the partnership. This often means starting new habits, making new friends, finding a new career, and finding new passions.
If your partner is not willing to change with you, this may result in arguments about what you are doing and who you are spending time with. You may begin to do your own thing a lot more, without your partner, realizing that your life does not need to revolve and involve them at every point. This may end up resulting in you preferring to spend time alone, instead of with them.
This lack of compatibility usually results in arguments. Your spouse may try to control you and stop you from being so independent and this just further escalates the problem.
While it may sound a little shallow that a relationship may begin to break down because of one party's physical appearance, it does happen, especially if one spouse has let themselves go physically while one partner is maintaining their fitness and shape.
Finding your spouse attractive is often important, especially if you want to maintain a physical, and sexual relationship and emotional intimacy.
If one partner has become unhygienic, overweight, and obese when they used to be in shape and fit, this may lead to a loss of attraction. While this should not be instant grounds for a divorce, if they refuse to maintain a healthy lifestyle and look after their hygiene after being told by their spouse that it is a problem, it can cause serious problems.
If one spouse has lost a lot of weight and begins to receive attention from others, and their spouse at home is not intimate and pays them no attention, it is easy to see why the relationship may break down.
When we talk about addiction, most people will think about alcohol or drug abuse, but there are a number of other addictions that can break apart a marriage.
Gambling, reckless spending, and pornography are other common addictions that can lead to termination of employment, loss of friends and, ultimately, divorce.
Addiction is a disease, and requires a person to want to change. This means that we recommend offering support as much as possible, to begin with. However, if the person does not wish to change or show that they are trying, divorce may be the best option, as an addict can destroy the lives of people around them as much as their own.
Addiction is one of the main causes that a divorce lawyer will see on a day-to-day basis for a divorce.
Getting married at a young age is another common reason that is cited for divorce proceedings. The highest rate of divorce occurs in couples in their 20's, with almost 50% of all divorces occurring during the first ten years a couple is married.
There are a number of reasons why divorce rates are so high in younger age groups. One of them is money issues. Most 20-year-olds do not have a solid, established career, and many of them do not have the correct tools to handle their finances or a sensible approach to money.
Another aggravating factor is when a young couple has children. With the cost, energy, and sleepless nights that come with having children, the strain can be too much for a new marriage to handle.
Those that get married later on in life often have more life experience in areas such as controlling finances and dealing with stress and hardship. Many people in their 30s have already lived on their own and know how to save and allocate income to ensure their lives are stable.
Getting married for the wrong reasons can lead to a divorce because it creates an unhealthy foundation on which to build a marriage. When a couple gets married for the wrong reasons, they may lack the emotional connection and mutual understanding necessary to sustain a healthy marriage. For example, if a couple gets married because they feel societal pressure to do so, they may not have the necessary trust and respect for one another to stay married. Additionally, if a couple gets married to solve a financial problem, they may not have the same values and interests necessary to remain compatible over the long-term.
Marriage requires hard work, dedication, and mutual understanding. When a couple gets married for the wrong reasons, they are not setting themselves up for success. Without a strong foundation based on mutual respect, trust, and love, the likelihood of divorce is greatly increased. Divorce can be a difficult process, and it is best avoided if possible. For this reason, it is important for couples to make sure they are getting married for the right reasons and have the necessary commitment to build a healthy marriage.
When lines of communication break down in a relationship, it can become difficult to sit down with your spouse in a productive manner and discuss issues that are occurring. As life gets more stressful, communication is often the first thing to go, leaving spouses with no way of expressing their feelings.
Often, what happens next is that both spouses begin to make assumptions on things that should be discussed out loud, with each other. This is a major mistake, one that leads to resentment and frustration.
No matter how stressful life gets, the best way to avoid this mistake is to ensure there is a time and a place for you and your spouse to discuss things that are bothering you in a calm manner. While this may seem difficult, even awkward, it is much better than the alternative.
Choosing the right place and the right time to discuss your problems is nearly as important as discussing them. Voicing your problems when you are already in an argument is never smart, and neither is cornering them when they have got home from work and may need to decompress.
Keeping lines of communication open prevents each spouse from festering on problems that may be minor, but that can become serious, relationship-ending problems if left unchecked.
If your married life is suffering from a lack of communication problems, you may want to talk to a counselor who can help you get back to a healthy marriage.
Sometimes, if a marriage involves one spouse with a particularly strong personality, the other spouse may feel like they fade into the background a little and that their lives are taken over by the others.
In a healthy marriage, both parties should be open to communication and should compromise on important issues equally. This may mean making sacrifices, but they should happen on both sides of the marriage, not just one.
Spending time together is important, but you should both have a unique sense of identity. Taking time apart, to focus on individual passions and hobbies is healthy, for both your sense of self and for the relationship. If one spouse feels suffocated and the other is a little needier, time apart is crucial as it allows the needy partner to realize they can survive on their own and the independent partner gets their bit of independence.
As a couple with children, it becomes even easier to lose a sense of individual identity, instead becoming a "parent" instead of an individual with their own hobbies and needs.
If you have made a choice to divorce your spouse, the next steps are crucial.
When it comes to your divorce, matters like child custody and child support are going to affect your life, and the lives of your children if you have any. This is why you should always seek skilled legal representation in these matters. They will ensure your rights are protected and that all decisions made are in your best interests.
In Florida, you can file a no-fault divorce, which means there is no need for proof of a fault such as adultery, you can simply divorce under the grounds that you are no longer compatible with your partner and cannot reconcile the marriage.
Family law courts in Florida will expect you to use mediation to come to arrangements before you involve them. This is where a skilled mediator, like the attorneys here at the Family Matters Law Firm, can help. We can create a space for you and your spouse to discuss the important matters and ensure that tempers stay low and that if the discussion breaks down, we are ready to stop the meeting before it gets unproductive.
At The Family Matters Law Firm, all of our attorneys are also highly skilled mediators. A successful mediation will help the divorce process move along more quickly while saving money on court fees.
As a law firm with over 30 years of experience fighting on behalf of our clients, we know how important the result of your divorce is. We will work tirelessly to ensure you get fair and reasonable treatment while minimizing conflict wherever possible.
Our team works with clients to help them move into their new future with as little friction as possible. If you have children, we put them first, fighting for their best interests above all else.
We specialize in family law services, meaning we have experience in cases just like yours.
Many of the attorneys on our team speak fluent Spanish and are used to dealing with families where English is not the first language. We will keep you informed throughout the case, ensuring you are never left in the dark about where your case is at.
With over three decades of experience, we have developed a skill set that allows us to tackle any problem and win favorable outcomes for our clients. We constantly evolve, ensuring that our skills are kept sharp and up to date with all current laws.
Whether you have been served divorce papers, wish to divorce your spouse or are simply considering your options, our team is here to help.
We understand how stressful and difficult these decisions are, and we will always listen compassionately and advise you from a place of clarity on your options.
Divorce decrees are court orders, and this means all decisions made in your divorce are legally binding and may affect you and your family for many years to come.
Arrange a meeting with an experienced family law attorney today by calling 305-916-4053.
The information you obtain at this site is not, nor is it intended to be, legal advice. You should consult an attorney for advice regarding your individual situation. Contacting us does not create an attorney-client relationship.